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TOLSTI

38 / Male

Posts:461
Rank: God
Posted: June 14 2006 at 12:37 AM

srry for the russian posts just hard 2 explain russian jokes in english

niceguy360

40 / Male

Posts:259
Rank: God
Posted: June 14 2006 at 12:39 AM

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at
work.

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the
bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet,not
realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a baseball."

Man - "That's nice."

Boy - "Want to buy it?"

Man - "No, thanks"

Boy - "My dad's outside."

Man - "OK, how much?"

Boy - "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and
the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."

Man - "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a baseball glove."

The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy - "$750"

Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's
go outside and have a game of catch."

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy - "$1,000"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like

that.... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to
take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the

confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says,
"Don't start that shit again."

Irka

38 / Female

Posts:1235
Rank: SuperGod
Posted: June 14 2006 at 12:51 AM

_ontonology_

50 / Male

Posts:53
Rank: Senior
Posted: June 14 2006 at 07:01 AM

english i dont understand that

moe8705

50 / Male

Posts:164
Rank: Addict
Posted: June 14 2006 at 05:04 PM

There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.
"When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."
One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.
"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.
"I was was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight, 'cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."

Vitali

39 / Male

Posts:317
Rank: Administrator
Posted: June 14 2006 at 05:13 PM

keep 'em coming

A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.
"I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing.

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.
He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.
At 60 off came the pants.
At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.

Now seeing her naked for the first time and travelling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck.

"Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.

So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.
"My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"

The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"

------------------------

A doctor goes to his office one Monday and is shocked to find that it has been ransacked and the files have all been mixed up. He sees the file for Mrs. Smith, but her chart is mixed up with some of the others and he can't tell which is which.

He finally narrows it down to two charts and he decides to call her house. Mr.Smith answers the phone."Mr. Smith, this is Dr. Jenkins. I have bad news. Your wife either has AIDS or Alzheimer's Disease, I don't know which.

"Well, what should I do?" asks a distraught Mr. Smith.

"Drop her off at the edge of town," says the doctor, "and if she finds her way back,
DON'T SCREW HER!"

rus_allince

50 / Male

Posts:2716
Rank: SuperGod
Posted: June 15 2006 at 04:18 PM

LMAO !!!i like davids joke!!!

Jan_na

37 / Female

Posts:1065
Rank: SuperGod
Posted: June 15 2006 at 04:36 PM

HAHAHAHAHA.

_ontonology_

50 / Male

Posts:53
Rank: Senior
Posted: June 16 2006 at 06:34 AM

NIET NIET NIET

Irka

38 / Female

Posts:1235
Rank: SuperGod
Posted: June 16 2006 at 10:31 AM

<--- the last few were fucking hileriousss thanks guys for the morning laugh!!

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