Join Now! Forgot My Password
tmeet - Forum - jokes
Discussion Forum Index / Love, Sex and Relationships / jokes
Pages: - [ 1 2 ] - Next Page
   
_ontonology_
50 / Male

Posts:53
Rank: Senior
Posted: June 13 2006 at 04:17 PM

  TELL YOUR BEST JOKES HERE AND LET US RATE IT
 
   
_ontonology_
50 / Male

Posts:53
Rank: Senior
Posted: June 13 2006 at 04:17 PM

  What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?












The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
 
   
Z24_4_Life
39 / Male

Posts:379
Rank: God
Posted: June 13 2006 at 05:14 PM

  so tru well said
 
   
Tinkerb1tch
39 / Female

Posts:1601
Rank: Moderator
Posted: June 13 2006 at 06:05 PM

  OMGGGG LMFFFFFFFFFAO no


Whats green and smells like pork?

Kermit's fingers


Whats worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?


Getting fingered by Capitain Hook BAH!


Whats did one lesbian vampire say to the other?

See you next month.

K I'm done for now!
 
   
_ontonology_
50 / Male

Posts:53
Rank: Senior
Posted: June 13 2006 at 06:16 PM

  Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?


Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.
 
   
Vitali
39 / Male

Posts:317
Rank: Administrator
Posted: June 13 2006 at 06:28 PM

  A guy walks into a tattoo parlor and begins to look around, he notices the different pictures on the wall. He then asks the tattooist,"You do all of these?" The tatooist replies,"Yeah,all of them on the wall." The guy begins to tell the tattooist that he would like to have a tattoo. The tattoist asks to the guy,"Which one would you like," while pointing at the wall. The guy then says,"No, I have one of my own." The guy then pulls out a hundred dollar bill and tells the tattooist to make the bill. The tattoist then questions where he would like to place the tattoo. The guy then whips out his prick and shows where he wants it. The tattooist says,"Okay, but why?" The guys says that he has three reasons for this. While making 1/3 of the tattoo the tattooist asks,"Out of curiousity why do you want the tattoo on your jimmy. The guy begins to explain,"Well, I like to see my money." The tattooist says,"Good answer." When the tattoo is 2/3 finish, he agains asks, "Out of curiousity, what is the second reason?" The guy replies,"Well I like to play with my money." the tattooist says,"Okay, I can understand that." When the guy is done with the tattoo he begins to asks, "Okay, what is the last reason?" The guy answers,"My wife likes to blow my money, lets see her blow this."
 
   
_ontonology_
50 / Male

Posts:53
Rank: Senior
Posted: June 13 2006 at 06:31 PM

 
  Quote: Vitali
  A guy walks into a tattoo parlor and begins to look around, he notices the different pictures on the wall. He then asks the tattooist,"You do all of these?" The tatooist replies,"Yeah,all of them on the wall." The guy begins to tell the tattooist that he would like to have a tattoo. The tattoist asks to the guy,"Which one would you like," while pointing at the wall. The guy then says,"No, I have one of my own." The guy then pulls out a hundred dollar bill and tells the tattooist to make the bill. The tattoist then questions where he would like to place the tattoo. The guy then whips out his prick and shows where he wants it. The tattooist says,"Okay, but why?" The guys says that he has three reasons for this. While making 1/3 of the tattoo the tattooist asks,"Out of curiousity why do you want the tattoo on your jimmy. The guy begins to explain,"Well, I like to see my money." The tattooist says,"Good answer." When the tattoo is 2/3 finish, he agains asks, "Out of curiousity, what is the second reason?" The guy replies,"Well I like to play with my money." the tattooist says,"Okay, I can understand that." When the guy is done with the tattoo he begins to asks, "Okay, what is the last reason?" The guy answers,"My wife likes to blow my money, lets see her blow this."




LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO THATS FUNNNY
 
   
soviet_soldie
40 / Female

Posts:1278
Rank: SuperGod
Posted: June 13 2006 at 06:32 PM

 
  Quote: Vitali
  A guy walks into a tattoo parlor and begins to look around, he notices the different pictures on the wall. He then asks the tattooist,"You do all of these?" The tatooist replies,"Yeah,all of them on the wall." The guy begins to tell the tattooist that he would like to have a tattoo. The tattoist asks to the guy,"Which one would you like," while pointing at the wall. The guy then says,"No, I have one of my own." The guy then pulls out a hundred dollar bill and tells the tattooist to make the bill. The tattoist then questions where he would like to place the tattoo. The guy then whips out his prick and shows where he wants it. The tattooist says,"Okay, but why?" The guys says that he has three reasons for this. While making 1/3 of the tattoo the tattooist asks,"Out of curiousity why do you want the tattoo on your jimmy. The guy begins to explain,"Well, I like to see my money." The tattooist says,"Good answer." When the tattoo is 2/3 finish, he agains asks, "Out of curiousity, what is the second reason?" The guy replies,"Well I like to play with my money." the tattooist says,"Okay, I can understand that." When the guy is done with the tattoo he begins to asks, "Okay, what is the last reason?" The guy answers,"My wife likes to blow my money, lets see her blow this."

LOL THATS FUCKEN GOOD!!!
 
   
rus_allince
50 / Male

Posts:2716
Rank: SuperGod
Posted: June 13 2006 at 07:58 PM

  HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA lol..
stupid..but funnny


At age 4, success is not peeing in your pants.

At age 12, success is having friends.

At age 20, success is having sex.

At age 35, success is making money.

At age 70, success is having sex.

At age 80, success is having friends.

At age 90, success is not peeing your pants.
 
   
rus_allince
50 / Male

Posts:2716
Rank: SuperGod
Posted: June 13 2006 at 08:04 PM

  Whilst enjoying a drink with a mate one night, this bloke decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he would like to come back to her place.

The pair jump into a taxi and as soon as they get back to her flat they dive onto the bed and spend the night hard at it.

Finally, the spent young bloke rolls over, pulls out a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter.

Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replies.

Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the bloke begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquires nervously.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?"

"No, don't be daft," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demands the bewildered bloke.

Calmly, the girl takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies, "That would be me before the operation.
 
   
moe8705
50 / Male

Posts:164
Rank: Addict
Posted: June 13 2006 at 08:06 PM

  Some rich guy is walking down the road and sees a homeless person asking for money. He walks up to him and pulls out 100 doller bill. He asks the homeless man "If i give you this money, will you buy alcohol with it?". The man says no. "Will you get a hooker?" The man says no. "Will you buy useless things like golfclubs?" The man, now confused says no once again. The rich man says. "I want you to come to my house tonight and my wife will prepare u dinner". The homeless man asks why and the rich man replys, " I want my wife to see what a life without beer, sex and sports can do to you.
 
   
rus_allince
50 / Male

Posts:2716
Rank: SuperGod
Posted: June 13 2006 at 08:22 PM

  lmao!!! ohh wow trhats so funny!
 
   
_ontonology_
50 / Male

Posts:53
Rank: Senior
Posted: June 13 2006 at 08:26 PM

 
  Quote: moe8705
  Some rich guy is walking down the road and sees a homeless person asking for money. He walks up to him and pulls out 100 doller bill. He asks the homeless man "If i give you this money, will you buy alcohol with it?". The man says no. "Will you get a hooker?" The man says no. "Will you buy useless things like golfclubs?" The man, now confused says no once again. The rich man says. "I want you to come to my house tonight and my wife will prepare u dinner". The homeless man asks why and the rich man replys, " I want my wife to see what a life without beer, sex and sports can do to you.



LOL THATS JOKES
 
   
moe8705
50 / Male

Posts:164
Rank: Addict
Posted: June 13 2006 at 08:54 PM

  k i got another one

this guys just bought this new motercycle and he has this lube for it that he has to put on the paint anytime its about to rain.
One day, for the first time he went over to his new gfs house to meet the parents. He parks his bike outside and walks in the house. The first thing he notices is that there are dishes everrrywere. On the floor, on the counters...and there alll dirty. He asks his gf about it and she says that no one is aloud to talk or make a sound during dinner, otherwise they have to do the dishes. During dinner, the guys feels a little wood growing in his pants, so he looks at his gf next to him and starts touching her, she doesnt make a sound. Realising the situation he quikly pulls his pants down and makes love to his gf rite on the dinner table...no one makes a sound. Catching on, the guys starts eyeing the mom and figures he would make the best of dinner, again he pulls down his pants and does the mom to. Once hes all finished he notices some clouds brewing outside and thinks to himself that hed better prepare his bike and pulls out the lube. The father is watching him with wide eyes and screams "FINE ILL DO THE FUCKING DISHES!!"
 
   
Tinkerb1tch
39 / Female

Posts:1601
Rank: Moderator
Posted: June 13 2006 at 11:04 PM

  A man sitting at a table by himself at an upscale restaurant notices an attractive young blonde also sitting by herself.

He calls the waiter over and asks him to send the lady a bottle of the most expensive wine the restaurant has. The waiter does this and informs her that it was sent to her by a gentle man who would like her to join him for dinner. Then the waiter waits for a response from the blonde.

The blonde writes the gentleman a note stating the following. Unless you have a mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in your bank account, and 7 inches in your pants you can forget about it.

The waitor sends the note to the gentleman. A short time later the blonde recievs a response from the gentleman. It reads: I have a Ferrari, a Lamborghini, and a Maserati in my garage and I have 10 billions dollars in my personal bank account but not even for a lady as beautiful as yourself would I cut off 3 inches. Just send the bottle back.

Last edited by Tinkerb1tch on June 13, 2006 a 11:08 PM
 
   
Jan_na
37 / Female

Posts:1065
Rank: SuperGod
Posted: June 13 2006 at 11:36 PM

  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tink's and then moe's before that one where soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny HAHAHAHAH! HAHAHAHA

omg....ouch HAHA
 
   
Tinkerb1tch
39 / Female

Posts:1601
Rank: Moderator
Posted: June 13 2006 at 11:41 PM

 
  Quote: Jan_na
  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tink's and then moe's before that one where soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny HAHAHAHAH! HAHAHAHA

omg....ouch HAHA


hahahahaa yaaaaaaaa I've got osme good ones but there are so many I don't even member them.
 
   
rus_allince
50 / Male

Posts:2716
Rank: SuperGod
Posted: June 14 2006 at 12:23 AM

  HHhhaahahaAHAHAHAHA OMG OMG LAMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! damn...i laughed so hard...a little pee came out
 
   
TOLSTI
38 / Male

Posts:461
Rank: God
Posted: June 14 2006 at 12:30 AM

  molodaya devushka zahodit v lift... bum svet vikluchayitsa lift ostonavlivayetsa i ona videt temnuyu figuru ona srazu ispugalas " POJALUSTA NE UBIVAI ZDELAYU VSE SHTO HOTCHISH!!!" mujik nu neshtag otsasi.... nu ona rabotayet rabotayet zakonchila mujik govorit nu che zakurim? devchenka "sudovolstviyam" spichka zajigayitsa "MASHA!!!??" "PAPA!!??"
 
   
TOLSTI
38 / Male

Posts:461
Rank: God
Posted: June 14 2006 at 12:36 AM

  muj uhodit na rabotu.... gina ostayotsa doma prihodit lubovnik1 nu zanimayutsa oni delom stuk v dver jina lubovniku s prachsa za televizorom otkrivayet dver a tam lubovnik nomer 2 nu zanimayutsa oni delami bum bum opat stuk v dver ona govorit sprachsa za haladilnikom... otkrivayet dver tam lubonik nomer 3 nu zanimayutsa oni lubovu opat stuk v dver ona lubovniku prigai v okvarium otkrivayet dver tam muj on zahodit v dver takoi nu ya ustal poidu posmatru che po teliku podhodit k teleku a tam mujik muj" TI HTO!?" lubovnik1" ya TELEvizor chenu" muj a neshatg na tebe $100gulai" muj jene " nu ya progaladalsa poidu pohavayu" podhodit k haladilniku mujik stoit muj" TI HTO!?" lubovnik2 " ya haladilnik chenu" muj " a neshtag na tebe $200" a lubovnik nomer 3 v akvarume plavayet ne chivo ne slishit i videt kak muj hodit dengi razdayot lubovnik 3 razozlilsa viprigivayet iz akvaruma "YA TOJE TVAYU JINU YIBAL DAI DENAG!"
 
 
Pages: - [ 1 2 ] - Next Page
Untitled Document